I was determined my whole pregnancy to have a natural birth, my mom had natural 5-6 hour labors, she seemed really positive about her experience and I wanted to see what my body could do. As aspects of my pregnancy mirrored hers, I convinced myself I'd labor like her too. It would come fast, maybe a little late, I'd get through it and feel empowered at the end. But it turned out that I labor more like my dad's family -- late, reluctant baby with extra measures needed.

My pregnancy was smooth and uncomplicated. I went in for an appointment at 40+6, they did an NST and ultrasound, everything seemed OK. But then the doctor finally brought up inducing. I wasn't dilated at all and about 30% effaced. But he said that while inducing in this situation is a higher risk for the mother, waiting longer was a higher risk for the baby. He offered to let me come in 3 days later and do another NST and ultrasound but I was already eating into my maternity leave and decided to just do it. So I spent the rest of the day laying around wondering if I was making the right decision, crying, and then my husband and I checked into the hospital that night to start Cervidil to ripen my cervix.

41 weeks 0 days They told me that often when someone is late like me, the Cervidil itself can get labor going. I was having contractions at 4 am, stronger than I'd ever had, so I was hopeful that maybe I wouldn't even need the Pitocin in the morning! I knew I needed to sleep but I was too excited. But when the nurse came in to check me in the morning, I still wasn't dilating at all. I told her that even though I was inducing, I didn't want painkillers because I wanted to be able to move around. She was openly skeptical and called me Princessa and I immediately hated her. We started a gradual increase of Pitocin.

My mom and stepdad came, we hung around the room while I had contractions. I kept thinking maybe my pain tolerance was just really high, my mom had told me that my whole life anyway. Contractions weren't bothering me a whole lot, I took walks around L&D. The nurse said she wouldn't check me though until it looked like I was having real contractions. Dammit, can't my mom tell her about my pain tolerance?

Later in the day, my mom and stepdad went to go get food and my in-law's came in. My MIL was thrilled to hear the baby's heartbeat, asked to videotape it and I said no. I knew that the monitor picked up ... other bodily functions going on too and I just didn't want it. I didn't want anyone having a video camera in my L&D room. Well, I got up to go to the bathroom and I hear her giving her standard start of a video (she always says the date, what the occasion is, etc). So I wash up fast and run out and yell at her. I was shocked that she would do something directly against what I'd asked, I thought she'd still respect my wishes begrudgingly. I started yelling "would you have wanted someone taking a video while you're in labor?!" She seemed to think it was OK if I was in the bathroom. Um, it's a monitor, picking up my bodily noises, while I'm peeing. Come on.

The nurse walks in while I'm yelling at my MIL and shoos everyone out so she can check me, it's about 5 or 6 pm. I'm dilated a fingertip. I bawl. They tell me they're going to stop the Pitocin, I can eat dinner, and we'll repeat Cervidil at night and Pitocin again in the morning. Nurse also kindly but firmly tells my husband he needs to be on my side, regarding the yelling at my mother in law, and needs to be watching out for my best interest. She turned out to be not so bad. I found out she actually called the next day to ask my new nurse how I was doing because she was concerned about me.

My in-laws come back in, we update them, MIL says all saccharine-sweet "well maybe you'll wake up in the morning and be dilated to a 4!" I snap back that no, I won't be and she acts all offended, she was just trying to be positive. I'd had it with getting my hopes up, I just kept getting disappointed, and I was done with her. I ate, they put the Cervidil tab back in, and I tried to sleep.

41 weeks 1 day The next morning we start the gradual Pitocin again and my mom and stepdad are on the way. Doctor from hell comes in and checks me, during contractions, it always hurt when she checked me. Then she goes, with her hand still up there, "do you want me to break your water?" I had not planned on doing that, but then she says "I could just go ahead and do it now, I'm already right there." And since it hurt so bad, I didn't want her to have to go up there again later, so I told her fine, go ahead. Now, other people have told me that their doctors used this narrow tool with a hook or something to break their water and it didn't hurt. I remember none of that. I swear this woman just did it with her hands, like pinched it or something until it burst. I hurt like motherfucking hell. When my water broke it was obvious that there was meconium in the fluid, which at least made me feel a little better about my decision to induce.

Even though I hadn't taken any painkillers, I realized that with all this fluid gushing out of me I still couldn't exactly be up and around. Labor got really rough after my water broke, I labored a lot on my hands and knees, puked, yelled, told my husband to tell my parents not to come up to the room. A little while later they checked me and I had dilated to 2. Pathetic. That's what I gave in and got the epidural. And then I slept, and that was awesome.

At some point they had done the heart rate monitor that they attach to the baby's head because I kept losing it with the external monitor. They came in and told me that my baby's heart rate was dropping with the contractions, which was normal, but it wasn't coming back up right away like it was supposed to. They were going to stop Pitocin, wait a little, and then start again gradually.

When it got back up to the point it had been though, we started having the same issue with the baby's heart rate. My doctor (new shift, not the one from hell) came in and said they wanted to do a C-section. My husband had gone to lunch in the cafeteria, so I said "Ok, let me get him back up here and we'll talk about it." She insisted though that it was necessary at this point. They needed to get me ready right away. So I called him and told him to come up, they're doing a C-section. I was a little relieved to be honest. It meant I would see my baby soon, I didn't have to worry anymore about how I would handle transition and pushing. I was worn out. And all in all, I only ever dilated to a 3.

They wheeled me in, and proceeded to poke and prod in my abdomen. It felt so weird, because it didn't hurt but I could feel a lot of what they were doing. They got the baby out, exclaimed that she was a girl and she had a big head -- we had been team green but I had been saying my whole pregnancy I thought it was a girl. They showed her to us, then washed her up and measured her. Born April 12, 2012 at 3:59 pm, 7 lbs 5 oz, 19 1/4 inches long. She was (and still is) beautiful. Her Apgar score was great, and she and my husband were waiting for me in the recovery room when I got there. The longest part of the surgery was actually them stitching me back up, they got the baby out pretty fast.

After that there's a blur of a few days without sleep, trying to get her to latch, some great nurses and one shitty one, and being more than ready to leave the hospital even though they told me I really could stay an extra day if I wanted and it would be covered. Considering we were there close to 48 hours before she was even born we had plenty of time there. My recovery was relatively good, I was definitely limited but didn't have a lot of pain, and I'm probably going to do a repeat CS with my next. I didn't get the birth I wanted, but it mattered much less once she was there. I still was able to breastfeed, still able to do skin to skin once we were in the recovery room, and most importantly she and I were healthy and fine. Now I've got an 18 month old who cracks us up every day and I can't wait to do it again.

TL;DR Baby born by C-section 8 days past the due date after 2 days of Pitocin only got me dilated to a 3 and baby's heart rate in distress. Healthy baby though!