My little girl was born on Monday November 4th, 7lbs 12oz, 3 days shy of her EDD. I had just finished the last big order at my bakery on Friday and shut down my commercial kitchen for my mat-leave. On Saturday I had an early AM appointment with a prenatal shiatsu practitioner to help me breathe a little easier. All Saturday my husband and I cleaned our home and finally gathered all the homebirth supplies in one place as they were scattered. And then I was ready.

My contractions started that evening, slow but regular. I slept deeply Saturday night. Sunday I woke with contractions about 8 min apart and still mild. I made sourdough waffles for breakfast and then went for a walk to try and bring on labor. All day long my contractions stayed about 8min apart....sometimes 10min, sometimes as close as 6min. They were manageable and I could talk through them, but the defining factor was that in between them, it was like I wasn't in labor at all. I felt completely normal, if not a little energized from excitement. I also had an incredible appetite. I was a little worried about eating anything really substantial in case my labor progressed, but I just had to eat. Waffle with nutella and banana? Yes, I had four of those during the afternoon. Chocolate milk, grilled cheese, oatmeal packed with nuts and fresh fruit.......it was ridiculous how much I ate, especially since the last few weeks of my pregnancy I had trouble eating even something as trivial as a bowl of cereal.

After a few more walks, I called one of my midwives in the late afternoon to let her know I was 8min apart. At home I bounced on my swiss ball and belly danced, feeling pretty good. I remembered that Ina May wrote about how Amish women would make bread to hasten their labors, so I went to the kitchen and kneaded dough for sticky buns (which I was craving anyway). My contractions were 6min apart while I kneaded, but slowed down as soon as I stopped. I called my midwife again around 5pm, and she recommended that I take a benedryl. Her concern was that this drawn-out early labor would exhaust me, and that I needed to get a good nights sleep.

After that, things got really heavy duty. I was drowsy from the medication and I think my mind just let go and my body took over. It wasn't 30min after taking benedryl that my contractions were 2-3min apart and strong. I felt out of control and wished I wasn't drugged up because it took everything I had to keep riding out the contractions. At some point, two midwives showed up...7-8pm ish, but I was already in laborland. I did not experience the "wave" type of contraction, as I read in all the birthing books, with the feeling building up. For me, the contractions hit me with no warning, then faded away. I used my breath, and a low moan to help me through them but what helped more than anything was my husband pushing inwards on both my hip bones. I could feel his pushing deforming my pelvis and alleviating the incredible band of pressure I felt around my hips. I labored on all fours on my bed, on my swiss ball, in the shower. I had a birthing pool set up, but found I couldn't relax in it because the contractions would hit me so suddenly that I wanted to be on all fours already for my husband to have good leverage for hip squeezing.

All in all, I labored this way for about 10 hours.....with contractions 2-3 minutes apart. I would pass out in between, and wake up like a freight train. I felt delirious. The midwives gave me sips of water/juice and fed me bits of food to keep my strength, up but by 5am I was fading and told them that I wished I felt the urge to push. I got my first internal exam of my pregnancy at that time, and was 7cm dilated. She suggested I hang from a sash into a deep squat for a few contractions. That position brought on some of the most difficult and painful contractions I had yet experienced.....so I knew it was probably bringing my baby low. I chickened out of a few contractions, letting go of the sash and getting onto all fours, but I was able to gather some remaining nerve to squat with the sash for a few more contractions. After that, the midwife checked me and I was 10cm, but still with no urge to push. I felt for sure that my strength was not going to last much longer, I was going hoarse from my low moaning for the last 11 hours. The midwife said I could try pushing if I wanted, so I got up on my bed and leaned back into my husband. I pushed with the contractions a few times, and then the midwives told me to feel something; my bag of waters was bulging out of my vagina and if you pushed it to one side you could feel my baby's head behind it. They said that my water was unbroken and that it was probably cushioning her head in the birth canal, which was why I was not feeling the urge to push. I asked if they could please break it so I could finally feel the need to push, because at this point, gathering my strength to push with each contraction was just sheer will of determination

They said breaking my waters would be an intervention, and that they would, but they thought I was strong enough to continue without intervention. I agreed, and was buoyed by how excited they were. They started telling me how rare it was to be born this way…..something about the dalai lama….something about mystics….or soothsayers. I was barely conscious between pushing, and while it was interesting to touch my bag of waters, I was too exhausted to care much about anything besides getting my baby out. I also noticed that when I was pushing, the midwives, who were camped out on my business end, would hold up a few of the waterproof pads like they were in the front row at a Gallagher show. If my waters did break during a push…..I suppose it would have been a spectacular mess.

A third midwife showed up around 6am, and my chocolate lab, who had been sleeping peacefully on the bed next to me amidst all the incredible melee, got very excited. The new midwife offered to trade spots with my husband behind me so that he could take her out to go pee. It was actually pretty invigorating to have someone fresh and energetic behind me for me to lean into. I felt very secure and she started coaching me. I pushed and pushed and got most of her head out. And I remember thinking, in my otherworldly state of mind, how hilarious it would be if my husband missed the birth by taking the dog out. But somewhere deeper inside I knew that maybe all the pushing and intensity of the birth was too much and he needed a break…something I completely respected. I could have used a break too! But he returned, and after awkwardly changing places again behind me, WITH A CROWNING HEAD BETWEEN MY LEGS, I gave birth to my daughter. Her amniotic sac burst after her head and torso were out, as the midwives pulled her legs free.

She cried like a banshee for 10 minutes, probably from the very rude and sudden exit from her amniotic cushion. I passed out for a moment right as they placed her on my chest, and heard voices from far far away saying ‘it’s your daughter…look at your daughter…she’s here…” I gripped her tightly to my chest but I didn’t lift my head to look for many moments….I was just beyond spent. I was bleeding a bit so the midwives gave me a shot of Pitocin and told me to focus on my uterus clamping down. They used gentle traction to help with the placenta birth. I remember one of the midwives clamping the cord on my chest and asking my husband if he wanted to cut it. He declined, and as I watched them cut it, I wondered if I would feel sad that my baby and I were no longer ‘one’, but since I had worked so hard to bring her into this world I was happy she was now on her own. She latched as soon as she was done yelling, and I nursed while a midwife gave me a stitch. My little girl had come out with one hand by her face and the sac did not offer protection from that. After that, the midwives cleaned everything up, ran a load of laundry, and two of them left while the 3rd stayed for about 4 hours while we all slept in our bed. She periodically checked our vitals and made me toast with jam before leaving.

Honestly, I was shell-shocked for a week. Laboring so intensely for so long was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I’m certain that my years of yoga practice are what kept me sane and focused. There was no energy for novel tips or tricks. In the deep dark moments when I was just surviving the ride, the only parts of me that were accessible were those that were ingrained by habit. In the following days, I realized how impolite mother nature was to overlap recovery from birth and learning to breastfeed. My little girl nursed constantly and subsequently my milk came in in less than 2 days. My nipples hurt so badly, she hated the shields, my poor pornstar titties melted many bags of peas. But thankfully, my midwives were around and gave me lots of support. Breastfeeding evened out around 1 week, and is continuing to get easier. And here are some pics!

TLDR: Labor was mad intense due to pushing out baby + entire bag of waters. Baby born en caul at home. Everyone did great, even the dog.