​[Click Here to Read Mother's Perspective]

 

Below is my husband's account of the birth. I think it's interesting to compare his and mine. For instance, one huge difference is that he often refers to me as "upset"... I refer to myself as "working". Also... I feel it necessary to say, that I never told him to shut up as he claims. Ha. Anyway, onto his story!

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Before the birth:

-My wife got very educated on what she wanted for her experience. No drugs, immediate nursing, short hospital stay, etc. etc.

-My wife read a lot of books and shared any valuable information with me. She tried to have me read a few books, but most of the time I just found them annoying and skimmed them (if that).

-We took Bradley classes. These were helpful and informative, but roleplaying was stupid as shit. I know how to comfort my wife, I didn't really put a lot of effort into this portion of the classes.

-We hired a doula and got to know her really well. At this point I didn't think a doula was necessary because I was pretty confident that I'd be able to keep up with my wife during her labor. Note that I said, 'at this point'.

-We left our doctor and moved to a midwife to better accomodate my wifes desires for her labor.

-We talked about everything. What shots to give at birth, vaccinations, circumcision, etc. etc. We did this so we would know what we wanted when the time came.

-My wife was 'diagnosed' with gestational diabetes at 29 or 30 weeks. GD is stupid.

-My wife was pretty active in online communities which was usually good for her mindset. Sometimes it was bad because she read scary stories.

The Birth:

-OK, so my wife was 3 days overdue and freaking out because she read a story online about someone delivering early and the doctor showing them calcification on the placenta.

-We were in for a regular checkup and I was telling my wife to do a non-stress test if she was concerned. If something was wrong we'd find out, if everything was fine she'd have piece of mind.

-She failed the non-stress test, but the good news was that she had been in pre-labor for about 5 days, and was pretty much starting labor during the test. The midwife didn't want to wait and see though, because of the results of the test and told us to go home and get cleaned up/ready, go to dinner, etc. and then to meet her at the hospital(failing the test disqualified us from birthing at the midwifes center) to have her water broken. My wife was very scared because people online had told her this would hurt.

-When getting ready(shaving her legs) my wife threw out her SI joint and I was lucky to find a chiropractor who was willing to work late and allow us to swing by for an adjustment.

-We got to the hospital at around 2130 and got checked in and waited for the midwife. She showed up around 2200 and broke the water. It did not hurt, but she thought it felt weird.

-We decided to go for a walk to keep things moving after my wife had a few, very painful, contractions in the room. As we walked I carried a pillow and anytime a contraction started I would throw it down for her to kneel on. At that point I would rub her back and talk to her.

-During her contractions she was rocking her body up and down and making some noises. This was a bit alarming, but she was doing a good job of dealing with them.

-Before the lap was over my wife was getting very upset. She started saying she couldn't do this, that it was impossible, etc. etc. I kept motivating her, "Of course you can do it - you are doing it" became a very repeated statement.

-We got back to the room and she had a few more painful contractions before the nurse decided we should fill the tub and get my wife in there to relax. My wife did not like the tub at all (much to her surprise) and wound up back on her knees rather quickly. She continued to talk about how hard this was and how she couldn't do it. I continued to motivate as best as I could.

-While I was motivating I couldn't help but feel alarmed. Either things were moving very, very fast or my wife was having this much trouble this early. I, of course, kept these concerns to myself.

-My wife kept switching positions, she tried the toilet a few times, tried kneeling, tried a ball, etc. On her knees rocking was what continually came naturally to her and was what helped her the most.

-Called the Doula around 2230, she was on her way. Around this time my wife stopped wanting my help as much. One contraction would be 'Touch me', the next would be, 'Do not touch me'. One would be counter pressure, the next would be none. One would be talk to me, the next would be shut up. None of this bothered me, I just reacted to her knees and stayed close. I kept her drinking water whenever I could, and kept my spirits up for her.

-The Doula arrived at around 2300 and by this point my wife was back in the tub. I was not touching her or talking at this point by her request. I was also not allowed to go anywhere though because she liked having me there.

-The Doula was awesome. She showed up and immediately got a thing of ice water together that she dipper her hands in. My wife really liked the cold hands on her back for counter pressure. She started feeling a bit better, but was still miserable. I chilled my hands as well, and suddenly my wife liked being touched by me again :P

-My wife switched over to the toilet again but didn't like it and got up again pretty quickly. At this point another contraction started (they were seriously rapid fire, one on top of another for about 30 minutes starting about now(2330)) and she had to go on her hands and knees in the bathroom. She said she felt like she needed to push, the nurse advised against it as it had only been 1.5 hours since the water was broken. During a lot of this my wife didn't want my touch or words anymore, but I still found ways to be helpful. I brought water, I put my hand on the tub where she was rocking so she would bang her head into my hand rather than the tub. Things like that.

-The nurse tried to get my wife to come to the bed to get her dilation checked, but it wasn't happening. Eventually the Doula told the nurse to stop asking her to move because it wasn't going to happen, but that maybe the nurse could check her where she was. The nurse agreed and hurt my wife, my wife said stop, and the nurse did not stop. Only 7 according to her.

-When my wife had a slow point I took the nurse to the side and told her that if my wife said stop it meant stop. If the nurse hadn't been so good up until this point I might have requested her to leave, as it was I felt comfortable informing her that such an occurence would not happen again. I was not overly obvious about what I was doing, but I was also obvious enough that my wife knew I had taken care of the situation. She told me later that she knew I did it and it made her feel better.

-The midwife showed up around midnight and just sat and watched for a while as the four of us just kind of did our thing. She was very calm and relaxed as opposed to the rest of us and it had a very soothing effect on my wife. Rather quickly she asked my wife if she felt like she needed to push and my wife screamed yes. The midwife said to just go for it and see what happens.

-A lot of gore happened. On the bed gore came out, then on the toilet gore came out. I got gore on me, gore was everywhere. My wife almost fainted when she saw the gore. Everyone else was not phased by the gore.

-My wife tried pushing on the bed, then the toilet, then the bed again - on her side. This apparently was the magic spot because once she got there (2415-ish?) she didn't move. The midwife checked and said she was at a 12 or 13. [Heatherroneous: He misunderstood. She said, "You're at 10 and about a +2 or +3" which means 10cm and +2/+3 station.] Time to do stuff.

-Up to this point my wife had been resisting monitoring, but now that she wasn't moving the nurse was able to monitor as she liked and it didn't bother her. [Yes it did.] I spent a lot of time holding her hand and talking softly to her as she pushed. The Doula was on her back doing counter pressure around the clock. If she stopped for too long my wife would reach back and take the woman's hands and put them back on her back. My wife continued to say she couldn't do this and that nothing was happening. The midwife watched calmly.

-As time moved on 0100-0130 they started needing me to hold her leg up during contractions while she pushed. I could have put her leg on a ball thing between contractions, but I didn't want to stop helping so I continued to hold it. Bad idea and wound up hurting my back a little and had to switch off with the nurse. I shouldn't have been trying to do so much, luckily my back wasn't bad, just sore.

-From about 0130 onward my wife started to take on a strange calm between contractions. It would be 1 minute of agony, one minute of serenity. I shit you not - she looked serene as hell when she wasn't contracting. Contracting = pain and misery, I can't do this. Other times = Calm and peaceful. It blew my mind.

-I was back to holding her leg during contractions(this time I did it properly) and she started getting hopeless. More hopeless. Lots of, "I can't" and whatnot. I kept trying to movitate her, and finally when I could see the top of the babies head I told her. She did not believe me. Someone had her reach down and feel, she didn't believe them that she was feeling the babies head.

-The baby had a deceleration at some point and the nurse called the OR to get them prepped. The midwife and her talked in hushed tones. I was freaking out. Nothing ever came of this, it was just 'in case' preparations - I just wish they hadn't been so freaking vague and mysterious about what they were doing.

-My wife wasn't listening to anyone during her pushes. She was tired and sore and unhappy and when they told her to push she would for a few seconds, then stop, then start. They were trying to get her to push for big chunks of time. I kind of took over and started yelling when to push. I got into a rhythm of whenever she took a breath saying, "Big breath, big push" and then repeating "big push" over and over again until she took another breath. My rhythm was important because I was the only person she was listening to. If my rhythm got messed up it messed her up.

-Once I took over the coaching (0145-ish?) things went pretty quickly. I gave her constant updates on what I could see, I started being able to lift her leg higher during contractions which gave her more room to push out baby, etc. She continued to argue with people saying that nothing was happening, but it didn't slow her down.

-Babies head was showing quite a bit and the midwife (who had been more active in the last half hour) hooked a finger and just kind of popped it out. I told my wife, she got ecstatic, and within just one or two very fast contractions the rest of baby spilled out. I'll never forget the look on her face as they handed baby over to her.

-I didn't expect to cry. I cried twice. Once immediately as relief washed over me and I felt a strong sense of pride for my wife - for what she had done. Then I cried a second time when I looked my son over.

-I did not cut the cord.

tl;dr

-My wife labored for 2 hours and pushed for two hours. And by that I mean she was in transition for 4 hours. Keeping her motivated was important.

-I had to try very hard to stay active and involved, not to mention standing up for her.

-Lots of gore, a little bit of poop. Watching the baby come out wasn't traumatizing to me.

-BABY!