Thursday September 12th I was 38+1 and 3-4cm dilated. I had a membrane sweep that produced some lower back aches, which escalated into pelvic pains by evening. I bounced on my yoga ball for awhile, but they contractions would go away whenever I got up. This happened off and on for a few days, then eventually settled down.

On Thursday September 19th I had my 39+1 week appointment. At my appointment I felt fantastic and during my cervical check my OB said, "You're 5-6cm! You're in labour!" I guess my lower back ache all week was me labouring slowly. I was GBS+ so my OBGYN wanted me in the hospital to get antibiotics before my water broke on its own.

11am we get a room and by noon antibiotics are started. We ate lunch and then lounged around the room reading and chatting with family members. I was checked around 5pm and I was 6cm and Oxytocin was started. We opted to go with Oxy rather than breaking my water, partially because I was GBS+ and wanted more antibiotics first and because of the way my pregnancy has been (lots of extra monitoring needed) she wanted to see how William faired during contractions on the monitors. This is a decision I think I regret, but it's in the past now.

I went to the highest dose of Oxy by 10pm and my back pain was getting slightly worse, but no contractions where showing up on the monitor. I felt fantastic and joked around lots.

This is where I get a bit fuzzy. Around 10:30ish I had a check and was 7cm. My back ache was finally escalating to where it was pretty uncomfortable. My water broke while she checked me and immediately I had a major contraction in my lower back and hips. My doctor placed an internal monitor and then a nurse got me up and I laboured on a birthing ball. The contractions where unbearable on the ball. It felt like my hips where going to cramp up, or rip apart. I went from a mild lower back ache to transition in about 15 minutes. It was incredibly rough. I had no idea how to handle the contractions because they built up so fast. Each one was exponentially worse than the previous one and by about 11:20 I was shrieking with pain and feeling like I was going crazy in my head. I tried standing and my hips started cramping up. My poor husband had no idea what to do, and I started panicking because I thought I would have hours yet of this pain that I didn't know how to deal with.

During those contractions I stood with my hands on the bed and tried swaying my hips and that did nothing. My husband put his hands on my back and hips for counter pressure but that made it worse. My mind started racing and I was close to hyperventilating. I had no time to get used to the contractions, they just came strong and fast out of nowhere. I began to get very nauseous. I wish I had known a way to handle the contractions better, and I told myself that I wouldn't scream. But it's the only release I had. I wailed like a banshee.

I had about 2-3 contractions while standing and demanded medication. They wheeled in gas and stuck it on my face while I was still standing by the bed. I sucked it back, but I didn't feel any difference at all. Right away I felt like I had to go poo, so I told the nurse and that I had to lay down NOW. It had only been about 40 minutes since my last check where I was 7cm, but I was ready to push. She tried adjusting my bed and said, "I'll check you right away." I jumped on the bed before she was done adjusting it and immediately had to push. She said, "okay let's check you." And as soon as she checked me she was pushing the call button and calling for my doctor.

My doctor was in the room seconds later with a team of nurses. I remember them rolling in a cart with instruments and then a short haired nurse taking away the gas mask. My husband told me later that I sounded like Darth Vader with it on. I wish the gas worked, but all it did was muffle my screams.

I laid on my back, but leaning on my right hip. Since I was having back labour it helped to have that pressure on that hip. As soon as the doctor was ready a nurse was holding up my right leg, and my husband my left leg. During contractions my body did it's own thing at first. It was alarming to have a contraction and to have your body push and you have no control over it. But in between contractions I felt pain free, it was a glorious reprieve. After a few pushes I felt his head coming. I didn't feel the ring of fire, but rather it felt like my hips and back where being pulled apart slowly. Thinking back on it, it felt like my bones where bending and on the point of snapping. I remember the nurses shouting, "push push push push push!! Head to your chest! push push push!" Right before his head came out, I heard my husband say, "is that his head?!" The doctor grinned and nodded at him. After hearing that, I didn't care about the pain. I had a surge of excitement and wanted that baby out! First his head popped out, then his body slid right out on the next contraction.

Afterwards they laid him on the bed under me for a few minutes, then my husband cut his cord and William was placed on my chest. I immediately started shaking afterwards. My whole body was shaking uncontrollably and I started stuttering. Almost like I was really cold and my teeth where chattering. I really wanted to put my legs back down but I had to wait until my doctor stitched me up. (Second degree tear). I needed help holding William because I was shaking so badly. After an hour they took him, and weighed him while a nurse helped me into the shower.

He was 7lbs 1oz, born at 11:41pm, 19" long and I had a second degree tear. Extra.. -pushing wasn't a relief, probably because it happened so fast. There was relief when I wasn't pushing however. -Pooping isn't a big deal. I felt great to poop, so there's that. -The amount of blood afterwards is scary, even if you know there will be blood. Buy depends and bring a whole pack with you. I needed to change mine often. Also, if you need to sneeze or cough do it over the toilet. I learned the hard way and filled my bed with blood and ruined many pairs of undies before I switched to depends. -Breastfeeding is way harder than I thought. And sleep deprivation is very debilitating. Know your resources and don't be afraid to call the nurses often. William ended up not having enough to eat even though the nurses sent us home saying we where okay. Trust your instincts, everyone said he was okay but I knew he wasn't getting enough. He had only one concentrated pee diaper on day three, he was lethargic and fighting feeding and had dry lips. Everyone said he was happy, and now I know he was not getting enough. Seriously even nurses don't always know when it comes to breastfeeding. If you can't breastfeed, formula really is okay. Especially if you're suffering badly with baby blues. Fight for what you want and you know what will work for you. And don't feel bad about your decisions either way. -Buy Dermoplast spray or Solarcaine spray for your lady-bits. I waited a long time, which was stupid. Just don't spray too much or it'll feel like you have fire ants in your pants. -I was very traumatized after my birth for a long time. I couldn't sleep at night because I kept thinking about the pain. Talk to someone if you can. Sure it's normal to have a rough birth, but don't just shove your feelings aside.
-Your hormones are wacky. You'll cry when your baby cries, or when you want to sleep, or because you want to eat or whatever. I had really bad PPD, talk to your doctor right away if you think you have it, or if you're afraid you will develop it.